In order to to see their son Mark in the flesh and not from the flat screens of their phones the Millers had to go incognito.
Sharon Miller donned a white bunny costume and painted on a nose and whiskers. Husband Max drove the getaway vehicle, a Buick with a moon roof. The bunny popped out of that and cheerily, but quickly to avoid being outed, waved to five men outside a group home for people with disabilities. One of those five was Mark, who is 34 and has, in general, the comprehension of a preschooler.
The scene was a poor substitute for being able to run up to Marks wheelchair and give him a hug, tell him knock-knock jokes and watch him light up with his characteristic 1,000-watt smile.
But this is life in the novel coronavirus era. Safety means one of the last places of comfort loving human touch from immediate family is out for many, including people like Mark who live apart from parents.
Max and Sharon Miller, both 62, present too big a health risk to their son, his housemates at Mosaic and the staff members who care for them. Mosaic, like a lot of facilities, had to say no visitors. If his parents came at all, they would have to do so outdoors and at a safe social distance from their son.
It would be too hard to explain that to Mark. And because Mark needs consistency, the Millers have made the difficult but, they feel, necessary decision to keep their visits virtual for now or through a surreptitious drive-by.
It would be too upsetting for him, said Sharon, a retired elementary school teacher. We didnt want to scare him. We didnt want him to wonder whats going on. Were trying to keep things as normal with him as possible.
We are now seven weeks into social distance practices that have separated grandparents from grandchildren, nursing home residents from visitors, ICU patients from loved ones and new babies from the aunts-uncles-cousins-neighbors-friends parade.
Human contact by the people we love but dont live with is one of the hardest things the coronavirus has taken from us. Typically in a crisis, we have at least each other. This still-evolving crisis steals even that, placing households in isolation in order to contain community spread and keep people as healthy as possible and hospitals as able as possible to provide life-saving care.
Many have developed work-arounds: front-yard happy hours with lawn chairs spaced out. Back-yard visits, from a distance. Drive-by birthday parties with honking horns. Signs held up the window. And, of course, screens.
The ability to visit Mark through FaceTime is one saving grace right now for the Millers. They can interact safely and in a way that is familiar. Mark, who has lived apart from his folks for the last 14 years, is used to the phone-video app during their winters in Texas when they travel to see Marks sister. Mark is used to his dad calling from the cab of his tractor, which they do in planting season.
But as this grinds on, the Millers wish they could just do what any parent can in a scary time: Hug your child.
Mark was born healthy but suffered seizures starting when he was about six months old. Doctors couldnt do anything to control his seizures, which kept getting longer. When he was 10 months, he had a fever and a seizure that was so bad he had to be taken by medical helicopter from York, near where the family lived and still farms, to Omaha.
His brain had sustained damage and Mark suffered developmental delays, putting him on the trajectory that resulted in his challenges in comprehension today. The injury did not take Marks infectious smile, his penchant for jokes nor his ability to bring joy.
He cant verbalize his thoughts but he is expressive and his family and caregivers can understand his wants. But would that happen in a hospital emergency room if Mark were to suffer serious symptoms of the coronavirus?
Its why we moved to Omaha to go to appointments, Sharon said. I can say, This is what Marks trying to tell you. This is how Mark shows pain. This is how Mark is telling you hes happy. People who cant express that, if they get sick with this, its the concern you have as a parent. Will your child be treated the same as everyone else?
The virus forced Sharon and Max, both healthy, to recognize that their age puts them at higher risk. They updated their wills. And they found resources online through the Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services to use if an emergency happened.
Mark has lived outside his family home since he turned 21, the age at which federally-mandated educational services end. For about 10 years, he lived in Axtell, Nebraska, in a facility formerly known as Bethphage. It merged with another Nebraska facility for people with disabilities and, with locations throughout Nebraska and the United States, is called Mosaic. Mosaic is headquartered in Omaha.
He got very sick in the winter of 2016 and 2017, so sick he again had be taken by medical helicopter to Lincoln, where he was hospitalized for 70 days. He did recover and when Mosaic had an opening in another facility in Omaha, his family moved him there.
By then, his two siblings were launched a brother in Los Angeles, his sister in suburban Houston, Texas. His mother had already retired. His folks sold the family home in Geneva while keeping the farmland. The Millers bought a townhouse in Omaha to be near Mark, who lives in a specialty house that provides a higher level of care than he had been getting before. Mark doesnt require breathing assistance. He eats a special diet but has a stomach tube for his anti-seizure medication.
The Millers are used to visiting several days a week and would do it more but had been trying to give Mark his space, and balance his needs as a young man, his mother said. Before coronavirus, the Mosaic staff would take Mark and his housemates to the movies or other outings.
Weve always tried to respect that Mark has his own life, she said.
Sharon likes to come during lunch and read him books. She cant say enough good things about the setup, about the caregivers or about her son and feels, despite the challenge of not being with Mark right now, that the family is lucky. Marks in a small facility. He gets good care.
Still, the separation is hard. Sharon and Max had been in Houston visiting their daughter and her family since Dec. 15, although they flew home for eight days in January to see Mark. They returned to Omaha on March 15.
Normally they would have gone straight to see their son. But the couple had driven through four states and realized all the stops made them too exposed. They self-quarantined for 14 days.
We didnt want to carry anything into his home, she said.
By the time their quarantine was over, Mosaic was saying no to visitors. The Millers thought about social-distancing ways to still see Mark: Visit but stay outside. Read to him, but from a distance. But that would have been hard for Mark. Hes physical and the family is huggy. Instead, the best way to have a normal routine was FaceTime.
FaceTime was his normal, she said. Thats what we continued to do.
It doesnt make it easy. Which is why Sharon came up with her costume idea.
On Good Friday, when the weather was better than it was forecast on frigid Easter, she put on the costume and face paint. She FaceTimed with her grandchildren in Texas and then hopped in the Buick Encore. Max drove. They had made arrangements with the Mosaic house staff to have the men outside for a surprise visit. They were pretty far away from the street and the Millers gambled that Mark wouldnt know them.
It worked.
He did look a little questioning when I said, Happy Easter, she said. So then I just waved and blew kisses.
Marcus Butler handles a to-go order Friday at Dante Pizzeria. Many business owners in the Omaha area went into planning mode after Gov. Ricketts announced a series of new directed health measures that will allow restaurants, barbershops, tattoo parlors, salons and massage therapists to reopen on a limited basis.
The dining room space at Dante was converted to help with the take-out only service.
Workers place food in the trunks of a cars in an alley behind the Capitol District in Omaha. Volunteers distributed food to employees of the Capitol District who arent working due to the coronavirus.
Peppers sit in a box in an alley behind the Capitol District. Volunteers distributed food to employees of the Capitol District who arent working due to the coronavirus.
Jim Bartling in one of his familys hog barns in Unadilla, Nebraska, on Wednesday. The problem with being a hog farmer is that I just cant shut the door and lock it like store owners, Bartling said. This is a wound and there is no way to stop the bleeding.
Jim Bartling walks back toward his home after making rounds on his hog farm Wednesday in Unadilla, Nebraska. "I saw this coming all the way back when it was in Wuhan. If what was happening was enough to make them shut down so much, I knew it was coming our way," he said.
Jim Bartling in the farrowing facility on the Bartling Brothers farm. It is only going to get worse if things keep going the way they are going, he said.
Handmade signs to support essential workers during the novel coronavirus pandemic outside a home in Omaha on Wednesday, April 22, 2020.
A chalk rainbow hot air ballon rises up a home's front porch steps in Omaha on Tuesday, April 21, 2020.
A woman takes a photo of the bright but empty stadium at Papillion-La Vista South. Schools across Nebraska have turned on their stadium lights at 20:20 to honor the class of 2020 that will not be able to have prom or graduations.
Ella Pelletier and Matt Jones, both Papillion-La Vista South seniors, watch as the schools stadium is lit up as part of the Be the Light campaign on Wednesday.Schools across Nebraska have turned on their stadium lights at 20:20 to honor the class of 2020 that will not be able to have prom or graduations.
Nebraska Strong is written in chalk on a homes fence in Grand Island on Friday.
A message is written on a home's window on Friday in Grand Island.
A quarantine snowman wears a cloth mask and holds a toilet paper on Friday in Grand Island.
Fireworks erupt during a drive-in fireworks show at Werner Park on Saturday, April 18. The park would have hosted a minor league baseball game that day, but the start of the season has been postponed because of the coronavirus. Thousands watched the fireworks from the stadium's parking lots and surrounding areas.
People watch fireworks during a drive-in fireworks show at Werner Park on Saturday, April 18. The park would have hosted a minor league baseball game that day, but the start of the season has been postponed because of the coronavirus. Thousands watched the fireworks from the stadium's parking lots and surrounding areas.
Snow falls at a drive-up mobile food pantry run by the Food Bank off the Heartland and Millard Public Schools in Millard on Thursday. The mobile pantry more than doubled the number of packages of fresh fruits and vegetables, bread, potatoes and pantry staples they normally give out each month in anticipation of increased need due to the novel coronavirus pandemic.
Snow falls at a drive-up mobile food pantry run by the Food Bank off the Heartland and Millard Public Schools in Millard on Thursday. The mobile pantry more than doubled the number of packages of fresh fruits and vegetables, bread, potatoes and pantry staples they normally give out each month in anticipation of increased need due to the novel coronavirus pandemic.
Terri Connell loads a vehicle at a drive-up mobile food pantry run by the Food Bank off the Heartland and Millard Public Schools as snow falls in Millard on Thursday. The mobile pantry more than doubled the number of packages of fresh fruits and vegetables, bread, potatoes and pantry staples they normally give out each month in anticipation of increased need due to the novel coronavirus pandemic.
A message of good health hangs from a homes front porch in Omaha on Thursday, April 16, 2020.
A window message shows form a home in Omaha on Thursday, April 16, 2020.
An image of Jesus is reflected in a puddle during an Easter service at King of Kings Church on Sunday in Omaha. The church installed a large screen in the parking lot to enable drive-up and park services.
A home displays a message in a front window in Omaha on Friday, April 10.
Astrid Mitchell, right, and her mother, Katie Mitchell, observe the drive-thru stations Good Friday event at the Prairie Creek Inn Bed & Breakfast on Friday in Walton, Nebraska.
Hank, a Labrador retriever, does not respect social distancing and gives Morgan Henderson, the owner of Dirty Doodles, a kiss while being groomed at Dirty Doodles in Omaha. The dog grooming service has moved work stations outside so employees can remain six feet apart during the novel coronavirus pandemic.
A message written in chalk on a wall along Martha Street in Omaha on Wednesday, April 8, 2020.
Traffic is sparse at time on Interstate 80 through Omaha as people are encouraged to stay home amid the coronavirus pandemic.
Handwritten notes for customers at Nite Owl in Omaha on Wednesday, April 1, 2020. Nite Owl has been writing personal notes to customers and offering specials, like the Social Distance Daiquiri, while offering curbside take-out as the novel coronavirus pandemic continues.
Karna Gurung answers a text on his phone at his store located at 822 N 40th Street on Thursday, April 02, 2020. Gurung is translating important information about coronavirus for non english speaking members of his community.
Rita Otis leads an outdoor Tai Chi class on a grass island at Glenwood Road and Sunset Trail on Wednesday, April 01, 2020. Participants had to maintain a distance of six feet due to coronavirus social distancing measures.
Rita Otis leads an outdoor Tai Chi class on a grass island at Glenwood Road and Sunset Trail on Wednesday, April 01, 2020. Participants had to maintain a distance of six feet due to coronavirus social distancing measures.
The Easter Bunny waves to families as they drive by at the Hy-Vee near 144th and Stony Brook Blvd. in Omaha on Saturday, April 4, 2020. The grocery store usually hosts an Easter egg hunt, but went with a drive-thru Easter Bunny visit this year to encourage social distancing in response to the novel coronavirus.
This sign was installed at Zorinsky Lake Park in Omaha on April 4. The mayor later closed all city parks.
A ball field is seen through a chainlink fence, at Lee Valley Park in Omaha on Saturday, April 4, 2020. Playgrounds and athletic fields are closed in all Omaha parks.
A ball field sets empty at Prairie Lane Park in Omaha on Saturday, April 04, 2020. Playgrounds and athletic fields are closed in all Omaha parks.
A Washington Elementary School sign reads 'Nebraska Strong' on Thursday, April 02, 2020, in Fremont, Nebraska.
About 100 people line up outside Brickway Brewery & Distillery in Omaha on Monday, April 6, 2020. The Old Market business was giving away free hand sanitizer on tap to anyone who brings their own bottle of 64 ounces or less.
Don Rupp wears a face mask made by his wife while waiting in line outside Brickway Brewery & Distillery in Omaha on Monday, April 6, 2020. The Old Market business was giving away free hand sanitizer on tap to anyone who brings their own bottle of 64 ounces or less.
Streets in downtown Grand Island are mostly empty. In Hall County, 35.5% of tests for the coronavirus have come back positive, compared to the 7.65% positive rate statewide.
Playground equipment is seen wrapped in caution tape at Pier Park on April 6 in Grand Island. Playgrounds are closed to prevent the spread of the coronavirus.
Russell Hatt smokes a cigarette outside of Fonner Park on April 6 in Grand Island. "I'm a widower, so this is what I do to stay busy. I bet on horses and play Texas Hold 'Em."
The Kroc Center is illuminated as a symbol of hope in Omaha on Monday, April 6, 2020.
Rabbi Daniel Blotner puts together Seder-To-Go kits at Chabad House in Omaha on Monday, April 6, 2020. The Seder is a ritual dinner to mark the beginning of Passover, which began on April 8. The free kits and were available for delivery for anyone who is homebound during the novel coronavirus pandemic.
Leah Hanson and others visit their grandmother from outside the Douglas County Health Center in Omaha on Tuesday, April 7, 2020.
From left, Carol Ann Hixson, Terri Rohmeyer and Carol Carol Coffey wave and blow kisses to a family member from outside the Douglas County Health Center in Omaha on Tuesday, April 7, 2020.
A woman walks a dog as the sun sets on Elmwood Park in Omaha on Wednesday, April 08, 2020. Omaha has closed all city parks until April 30 to combat COVID-19. The trail system will remain open, but parking lots at trail heads are closed. People must walk or bike in.
Walking is still allowed at West Papio Trail. Omaha closed all city parks through April 30 to combat COVID-19. While trails and sidewalks remain open, everything else in the parks is closed. Groups larger than 10 people are prohibited, and people must keep a physical distance of 6 feet or more.
Kennedy Cascio has decorated her home's front door with a symbol for medicine and hearts. Cascio is an intensive care unit nurse at the Bellevue Medical Center and created the display to "show that I am thankful for everyone working on the frontlines," as the novel coronavirus pandemic continues. Photographed in Omaha on Wednesday, April 8, 2020.
A message is left along a fence at Lewis and Calrk Middle School in Omaha on Thursday, April 09, 2020. Omaha Public Schools have been closed since mid-March, with remote learning for all students, as the novel coronavirus pandemic continues.
Traffic signs on Dodge Street, near 168th, display self quarantine guideline suggestions on Monday, April 06, 2020.
A sparrow sit in its nest in the letter "g" in Walgreens sign at 5038 Center Street on Friday, April 10, 2020.
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Erin Grace: To see her adult son, this mother had to sneak by in costume - Omaha World-Herald
