Id like to start off with a note to the network: Not bravo, Bravo. Not bravo. Im very disappointed in you. If Ive learned one lesson after all of my fandom, its that the most important rule in reality television is to show, not tell. That being understood, why have I sat through three solid seasons of New Jersey, starting on my fourth, only to have one of the greatest scenes of all time told to me through unattributed voice-overs and exteriors?

This has been the worst Rashomoning of a subject since Rashomon, which Ive never even seen, preferring instead to throw Rashomon around as a term to make it seem as though I have.I am talking, of course, of the alleged incident of one Joe Guidice busting chops on the topic of height to one Richie Wakile, who responded with a challenge of a standoff and was met with an apparent attempted ball-squeezing.

According to Juicy Joe, he made the grab but came up with nothing but air, because Richies Got pebbles for nuts. Hes got no nuts at all. As Teresa solemnly tells the camera afterward, Im glad my husband handled it like a man. Which is, to say, by allegedly falling into a large candlestick holder and giving himself a black eye and a bloody nose. No wonder Juicy Joe shows no sympathy later when parenting a bloody-knee-ed Audriana, choosinginstead to fake cry at her. Hes teaching her early on how tough life can be, especially in Franklin Lakes where there are candlestick holders at every turn. In other news, the end of the rope that Ashley had put her seemingly patient parents, Chris and Jacqueline, on has finally been sawed, gnawed, and jawed through until there is nothing left but a twisted pile of hemp, string, and, it turns out, a lot of guts. Thats right, guts. Ashleys guts. That brave little lady, who faced the ridicule of a nation by falsely portraying herself as a deeply dull and petulant brat to allow us to have a closer look at how profoundly f-ed up Jacqueline actually is? It turns out Ashlee was all part of a plan by Ashley who is now safely ensconced in Vegas, finally free to pursue the love of quantum physics she only so mildly hinted at with her sullen displays of throwing herself from room to couch to room.

Because thats the only explanation, right? Its all purposeful, it has to be. That little exercise in obtuseness we witnessed last week, when Ashley pretended she couldnt figure out how to run the vacuum cleaner and had to ask her 10-year-old brother to show her, was actually part of a masterful plan so we wouldnt question how moronic she would have to be to miss a flight after being dropped off with plenty of time at the airport. She was giving us time to digest the little nuggets her mom was throwing out, like, Ripping her hair out is not going to solve the problem. Although I have pulled her hair before. [Giggling.] It didnt work. As Ashley struggles to haul her enormous suitcase down the staircase, she actually wants us to watch Jacqueline play the neat trick of saying shes going to hug Ashley good-bye. Then as soon as Ashley gets to the bottom stair, she quickly picks up baby Nicolas so her arms are full and all she can offer Ashley is a, Call me when you arrive and well Skype. Ive employed similar techniques at the end of bad first dates, though mine also involve opening the car door and leaning my body away from the driver and onto the passing road.

Jacqueline has no idea that were on to her, even going so far as to think shes winning us back at the end of the episodeby showing us pictures of how adorable Ashley/Ashlee was as a baby. She doesnt realize shes showing us how it will play out if the series continues on to season 35, and it will, when well be watching Space Jacqueline avoid hugging Astronaut Nicolas in the same exact way while she kicks him out of the space pod to live with some strange robot uncle over in Alpha Sector of the Magwad Galaxy.

And speaking of great mothering techniques, Caroline is starting to think its more than her family thats as thick as thieves, its also her daughter Laurens middle. So with the same infinite wisdom she brings to her radio talk show, does she bring her only daughter to a professional doctors office in a professional health-care-looking setting? No. A poor mans George Hamiltonlooking shyster with tinted hair and a crispy suit who works in an infomercial-looking spa? Yes.

There, Lauren is prescribed a diet of yellow liquid, mixed berries, and chocolate powder. I have no idea what the yellow liquid is. What ever it is, my guess is that Carolines counting on it to either slim her daughter down or beef her up to the next weight class. It looks like it could be made of absolutely anything. I listened to the description several times before giving up and going with what I heard, which was Diet George Hamilton saying, pasteurized piglets and then Caroline knowledgeably repeating the word piglets. Theres a part of me that doubts its pasteurized piglets, but Im keeping that part compartmentalized next to the part of me that doubts this will be a long-term solution, especially for someone like Lauren who is constantly surrounded by meatballs, both literal and figurative.

And on a final note, um, where was Rosie? I wanted my Rosie. Bring me my Rosie! If you, like me, find it hard to watch the show and not view every scene through the How would Rosie haveslammed her fists on the counter at this situation? filter, this was a tough episode. Which boots would she have worn? Whose heart would she have tried to rip out? How many newsboy caps would she have chewed through, for example, when Kathy found the e-mail with the nudie pics that chick sent to Joseph the Sophomore Class President? I settled on nine for my own edification, but it was hard.

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Vegas and Diets

A healthy model workout sounds like an oxymoron.

Healthy Hollywood has covered the fashion world for years and I have seen my share of scarily thin models. You often hear of models that go on crazy crash diets or simply starve themselves before a big photo shoot or runway show.

PLAY IT NOW: Kelly Osbourne Talks Staying Skinny & Her 'Hot' NewNowNext Awards Makeout!

So, Healthy Hollywood was happy to meet up with Sports Illustrated model, Jessica Perez. The Costa Rican beauty is big on getting in swimsuit shape the natural way -exercise and healthy food.

"I think it's really great when models, instead of trying to limit their amount of food, instead go out and choose a good workout that can burn a bunch of calories. So, they don't have to be fixated on not eating and things like that," Jessica said.

VIEW THE PHOTOS: Workin Up A Sweat With Stars Staying Fit

Jessica invited Healthy Hollywood to her favorite workout session, Muay Thai (A Thai version of kickboxing) with her New York based trainer Joey Hernandez. The 28-year-old trains with Joey three to four times a week.

It's nonstop cardio of punches, kicks, and other fast-paced movements.

"I feel like it has kind of shrunk me a little bit. I think it's really tightened my muscles. It's really relaxed my mind, because I am kind of a stressed out type of personality. So, to come in here and work out with Joe and to be focused on him and the punches that he's calling out for one hour has sort of alleviated a lot of stress for me," adds Jessica.

VIEW THE PHOTOS: Hollywoods Hottest Beach Bods

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Healthy Hollywood: Get Movin' Monday - A Healthy Model Workout!

Is your bathroom scale lying about whether your weight is healthy -- or a health threat? The obesity epidemic is bad enough, but along comes a study that indicates that the widely used, 200-year-old healthy-weight formula is underestimating the risk for nearly half of all women and more than 20 percent of men whose body-fat levels are dangerously high. The good news? This research can help you live longer and become younger.

That's because you can be a normal weight, according to your body mass index, and be toting around extra abdominal fat that the BMI doesn't take into account.

The problem? BMI, which is computed using your weight and your height, can't distinguish between lean, sexy, healthy muscle and excess body fat -- especially belly fat, which raises your risk for heart attack, stroke, diabetes, cancer, worsening arthritis, dementia and more.

Wondering where you stand? Healthy body-fat percentages for women ages 20 to 39 are 21 percent to 32 percent; ages 40 to 59 are 23 percent to 33 percent; and 60+, 24 percent to 35 percent. For men ages 20 to 39, 8 percent to 19 percent; 40 to 59, 11 percent to 21 percent; and 60+, 13 percent to 24 percent. The researchers at New York University School of Medicine used a full-body scan to measure body fat in 1,400 people for their new BMI-bad-news study. But you can do just as good a job if you just grab a tape measure and throw it around your middle.

Waist size, it turns out, is a super-accurate way to measure risky belly fat. You may have some on board if your waist measures 35 inches or more for women, or more than 39 inches for men. (Put a tape measure around at your belly button -- and suck in!) But the health risks that come with belly fat actually begin about 3 inches before that! So, if your numbers need a trim, focus on strategies that build muscle. Lean body tissue burns calories around the clock, preventing or even reversing belly-fat expansion. Don't simply diet; slashing calories slashes precious muscle mass, too.

Instead, four simple steps can nudge your body composition back into the safety zone -- and none involves the words diet, calories or weigh-in.

Munch muscle-protecting protein. How much protein do you need? Simply multiply your weight in pounds by 0.4. If you're 165 pounds, that's about 66 grams of protein. Get yours from fish (32 grams of protein in 4 ounces of salmon or trout), skinless poultry and plants (kidney beans, nuts and edamame have 16 to 18 grams of protein per cup). With vegetarian protein, you also get fiber, protective plant phytochemicals -- and no saturated fat.

Get chummy with healthy fats. Nuts (especially walnuts' omega-3s and macadamia nuts' omega-7's), fish, avocados, seeds and a splash of canola oil are bursting with unsaturated fats that help your body listen up when leptin, the "I'm full" hormone, says "Put down the fork and back away from the table." Eat fish a couple of times a week and enjoy a small handful of nuts every day to restore your body's natural leptin sensitivity. Choosing these hunger-fighters, instead of foods brimming with saturated fat, helps, because that greasy stuff actually turns down your body's production of leptin. Pump some iron, pull some rubber or leverage your own body weight. Aim for three 20-minute strength-training sessions per week. Using a weight that exhausts you with 12 repetitions builds muscle; resistance bands are great no-impact exercises that are good for posture; and chin-ups, push ups or sit-ups (knees bent) that use your own weight build muscle safely and effectively.

Turn in earlier tonight. Short-changing yourself on sleep leads to cravings for doughnuts and super-size colas. But that's not all. Sleep deficits also raise levels of stress hormones that order your body to store the extra calories in your torso. So turn out the lights at 9:30 or 10 tonight. Set your DVR to record your favorite late-night shows, then watch 'em tomorrow after "The Dr. Oz Show," while you're doing your strength-training routine!

Dr. Mehmet Oz is host of "The Dr. Oz Show," and Dr. Mike Roizen is chief medical officer at the Cleveland Clinic Wellness Institute. For more information go to http://www.RealAge.com.

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DRS. OZ AND ROIZEN: BMI may underestimate the risk of obesity

2012 Best Performances (Long Course - Male) 4X50 MEDLEY RELAY

All aquatic athletes seeking London 2012 selection for China are now seven weeks into a meatless diet to avoid the risk of doping positives by default in a country where clenbuterol is among substances fed, illegally, to livestock.

The count of those on a meatless mission is 196 in aquatic sports alone, according to news reports in China, where elite athletes in many sports are having to settle for fish, eggs and protein alternatives to meat in their diets.

Chinas General Administration of Sport issued the meatless order in March after after Chinese Olympic judo champion Tong Wen was slapped with a two-year ban after banned substances were found in her bloodstream.

The suspension set alarm bells ringing, Huang Wenyi, who competes in Lightweight Womens Double Sculls, writing on a blog that clenbuterol had even been found in pork and chicken products, not only in beef.

:Now the only place that we could eat safely turns out to be our cafeteria," Lu Yong, Beijing mens 85kg weightlifting champion wrote on his blog. "Its a disaster for athletes as the prohibited substance in over 52 per cent of the meat products in Beijing has exceeded the drug test standard."

In swimming, clenbuterol has long caused athletes a problem come testing time, the biggest case of late that of Jessica Hardy (USA), who tested positive at the US Olympic trials and was dropped from the US team at the start of a year-long suspension. Her argument that she had unknowingly taken the drug in a contaminated food supplement was accepted by anti-doping authorities and Hardy will race for a place on the 2012 team this June.

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Meatless Mission For China 196 Aquatic Elite

NEW YORK, April 30, 2012 /PRNewswire/ --On May 6th, THE 17 DAY DIET: A Doctor's Plan Designed for Rapid Results by Dr. Mike Moreno (Free Press/$25.00 hardcover) will mark 52 weeks and counting on the New York Times Advice, How-to and Miscellaneous Best Sellers List.

Originally self-published in late 2010, THE 17 DAY DIET became a sensation, selling nearly 100,000 copies in just three months. When Free Press published its edition in March 2011, THE 17 DAY DIET became an instant New York Times bestseller, spending eleven weeks in the #1 spot alone. There are currently more than a million electronic and printed copies in circulation. It has been featured on "Good Morning America," "The Doctors," "Dr. Phil," USA Today, Woman's World, and dozens of other media outlets. Diets in Review, a trusted online source of tools and information for living a healthier life, ranked THE 17 DAY DIET #1 in their annual list of the Most Popular Diets of the Year in December 2011.

The 17 Day brand expanded in the fall of 2011 with the publication of a companion volume, THE 17 DAY DIET WORKBOOK: Your Guide to Healthy Weight Loss with Rapid Results ($13.99 trade paperback), as well as a Spanish edition of the original book, LA DIETA DE 17 DIAS ($16.00 trade paperback). A new book, THE 17 DAY DIET COOKBOOK: 80 All New Recipes for Healthy Weight Loss ($26.00 hardcover), was published on March 27th, 2012 and is also a New York Times bestseller.

In September the 17 Day brand takes a new direction with the publication of THE 17 DAY PLAN FOR STAYING YOUNG ($26.00 hardcover).

"We are thrilled to be the stewards of such an inspiring book and brand," said Martha K. Levin, Executive Vice President and Publisher of Free Press. "Its continued success and its longevity on the bestseller list are testaments to the effectiveness of Dr. Moreno's approach to diet and health. This book is changing lives."

Free Press is an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc, a part of CBS Corporation. Simon & Schuster is a global leader in the field of general interest publishing, dedicated to providing the best in fiction and nonfiction for consumers of all ages, across all printed, electronic, and audio formats. Its divisions include Simon & Schuster Adult Publishing, Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing, Simon & Schuster Audio, Simon & Schuster Digital, and international companies in Australia, Canada, India and the United Kingdom. For more information visit our website at http://www.simonandschuster.com.

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One Year on the New York Times Bestseller List THE 17 DAY DIET By Dr. Mike Moreno

Dieticians have warned of the dangers of losing weight with a 'starvation diet' available in Britain for the first time.

The British Dietetic Association (BDA) says there are 'huge risks' to the diet, in which people are given just 130 calories a day through a feeding tube that goes up their nose and down to their stomach.

The 10-day regime forces the body to burn up so much fat that people lose up to 10 per cent of their weight.

But Sasha Watkins, dietician and spokesperson for the BDA, said naso-gastric feeding tubes should only be used in hospital under medical supervision.

'They could become dislodged while people are at home and food may go down into the lungs,' she warned.

She added the severe calorie restriction and pure protein formula feed could damage the kidneys.

The fears have been robustly dismissed by the doctor promoting the Ketogenic Enteral Nutrition (KEN) diet.

Dr Ray Shidrawi is a widely respected consultant gastroenterologist at Homerton Hospital in east London and runs a private weight-loss clinic.

He told Sky News that soon-to-be published trials on more than 19,000 patients in Italy show that the diet is safe.

'KEN is a properly studied technique. We know it does not harm you in any way,' he said.

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Concerns in UK over feeding tube diet