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A couple years ago, my husband got a Facebook message from a guy he had never met. It took a few minutes of Facebook sleuthing, but we eventually figured out that we attended the same huge church. Neither of us had spoken a word to this dude when he sent my husband this message:
Hey man, I just wanted to reach out and see if you might need a little help speaking to your wife about her health goals. I am a nutrition and exercise coach, and Id love to help you figure out how to open up the conversation and get your wife moving and eating in a way that will enrich her life and yours.
This coach was actually a rep for an MLM company, and the weight-loss program he sold was many hundreds of dollars every month.
As much as I wish we would have, we didnt give him the scathing response he deserved, and Im still kind of annoyed by it, butI was new to fat positivity. I had just started making the transition from self-hatred and constant weight loss attempts to self-acceptance and understanding my body. At that point, I hadnt built up the deep well of sass and outrage and power that I pull from now.
We just didnt respond at all. I asked my husband to delete the message, and I steered clear of him any time I saw his loathsome face at church.
His message confused me and made me so angry. I always looked my very best for church. Stylish clothes. Hair on point. Winged liner so sharp it could cut a bitch. I took my time on Sunday mornings while my husband dressed and fed the kids. It was our thing.
This guy just assumed that despite all my effort, my husband was so disgusted with how I looked (literally the only thing this guy knew about me) that he needed assistance even figuring out how to bring weight loss up to me?
I assure you, Asshole In My Husbands Inbox, that if he was the least bit concerned about my health and well-being, he would tell me. And the way I look is not a problem for my husband. He chose me exactly like this, and he is into it.
What kind of bullshit was this?
Ill tell you what kind. The same kind that fat people deal with Every. Single. Fucking. Day. Messages from near-strangers about changing our bodies through weight loss are par for the course. People just assume we are potential customers because honestly, who would want to live like this?
Its constant for many of us living in a larger body, and you know who else deals with it?
Brand new moms. While women are fresh out of the hospital, just trying to figure out how to shower and maybe sleep a little bit, some people who run MLM wellness businesses have taken it upon themselves to target moms offering to help them do things like lose weight, bounce back, or hide stretch marks.
If you dont think this is a cruel, shitty thing to do, allow me to correct you.
It absolutely is.
Its a cruel, shitty, predatory marketing technique and people who do it need to knock that shit off.
Rushing into someones inbox with unsolicited offers to help a person change the way their body looks is cyber-bullying. Youre essentially targeting someone in a vulnerable position and exploiting their insecurity for your own personal gain.
Its not okay.
If you think this isnt a huge freaking problem, check out this Instagram post that is literally full of examples. Read every word. Its worth it.
View this post on Instagram
This needs to be said and it needs to stop. Please share this with whomever needs to read it, and consider your fellow humans mental health if you are in the wellness, fitness or direct sales industries Also, please make sure to read this entire caption and examples this isnt a statement about direct sales in general, just the way some reps are doing it. Last January a client of mine {Megan} reached out to tell me that she has been targeted four times that month for weight loss groups and products by people she doesnt even know, likely based on her profile photo. People would add her to weight loss groups without her consent. She did not show interest in their product or ask people for weight loss recommendations. In fact, her entire life she has had a difficult relationship with food that shes FINALLY healing from with the help of trained professionalsand every time she logs into social media shes scared someone will harass her under the guise of making friends or catching up. THIS. IS. NOT. OKAY. Want to know whats even scarier? We posted about this in stories a few days ago and have received over a thousand examples of similar conversations and interactions our followers have had online. Swipe through to read just some of them. Followers tell us that they get these messages daily, especially after having kids. Weve even been told that moms were targeted after posting about losing babies to get their pre-baby self back. These people are reaching out to a new mom who is likely overwhelmed, hormonal, potentially depressed and anxious, worried about her skills as a mom, worried about the welfare of her baby and milk supply and going back to work and her changing body and her changing relationshipsto tell her she needs to lose weight?? Its predatory. Furthermore, it can be unsafe depending on her medical needs. We know that many people make a living and support their families with online wellness products and companies. In some cases, it allows them financial freedom and the ability to be with their kids. Were not saying that selling a product from home or using social media to network is inappropriate. {Contd below}
A post shared by Feeding Littles (@feedinglittles) on Jan 2, 2020 at 5:11pm PST
Moms being targeted about weight loss while on bed rest after emergency surgery. Former coaches admitting companies encourage this crap. Reps taking photos of strangers to use in their marketing plan. Weight loss challenges where the reps invite literal strangers based on nothing but the way they look in photos. Promises to help a mom bounce back, insinuating that her post-baby body isnt already in the shape it was before she got pregnant.
The whole entire post is full of abusive behaviors and tired, frustrated people who just want to exist without being pounced on every five minutes.
Seriously? CAN WE LIVE?
Just a couple weeks ago, an acquaintance sent me the twelfth message he has sent in the last two years. I never, ever, one single time asked for his help. I shouldnt have been surprised though, because capitalizing on big, emotional life events is his thing. Hes done it before. Every time I have a major life event, he runs a weight loss special. Its shockingly unoriginal.
It makes sense that he couldnt resist right now becauseyou guessed it Im about to have a baby.
In his estimation, that means that soon, Im going to be able to abuse my body with unregulated supplements and severe calorie restriction as required by his program.
But he is clearly not paying one bit of attention to a word I say.
I could not be more outspoken about how anti-diet culture I am. I have spent the last two years transforming my mind, and as a result, my body is in the best place its been in years. Probably because I listen to it now. I approach doctors without fear to address any and all of my concerns. The foods I eat nourish my body and the movement I choose makes me strong and happy. Im not thin. But I am good.
I am good, dude.
Also, I am nine mother effing months pregnant. Are you kidding me??
Do I want to lose weight?
HELL YES. I want to lose however much this giant baby weighs, pronto. Maybe a little extra for the fluid accumulating in my cankles.
But I dont need a wellness coach for that. Im going to let my OB handle this one.
Anyway, after eleven previous polite no thank yous, he swooped on in with yet another offer to help me not be so damn fat, and I couldnt take any more.
I told him in no uncertain terms that I finally have a relationship with my body that is healthy and happy, and that I would not be a client for him. Not now. Not ever. I explained that mental health is health, and hyper-focusing on my size and weight loss was a great way for me to ruin my mental health.
Then I deleted him because having a few mutual friends isnt a good enough reason to be continually disrespected, disregarded and hounded.
And listen. This isnt about MLMs. I have a drawer full of kitchen gadgets that I bought at home parties. I dont care what anyone says. That garlic peeler thingy is a lifesaver. I am not anti-MLM.
But I am really, really not okay with the way some people choose to use their multi-level endeavor to make people, especially vulnerable new mothers, feel like shit.
If a fat person or a new mom wants your wrap, patch, shake, subscription, meal plan, sublingual drop or impossible freaking exercise DVD, she knows exactly where to find you. Fat people and new moms do not exist to further your business.
Unless we reach out, can you just, likenot?
Read more here:
Targeting Postpartum Moms With Weight Loss Products Is Cyber-Bullying - Scary Mommy
