Its not exactly ground-breaking to say that its useful having something in common with your partner and maybe this goes double when youre both trans.
Sometimes I dont even have to form a coherent sentence and my partner, Gwyn, knows exactly what I mean, and he can draw on his own experience to help me.
However, the assumption many people make is that because we are both transitioning, the destination of our journeys is exactly the same. There cant be that much variety, surely?
Except two peoples transgender journeys are never the same. In some ways, weve developed together but weve also had to adapt to each other whilst changing as individuals in the most drastic way.
Gwyn is a trans man, transitioning from female to male. Im the same though I also identify as non-binary, so I dont feel like I am either a man or a woman.
We have both made social and medical changes in order to feel comfortable with our bodies and our relationships to them. Not everyone has to go through hormone therapy and surgeries for their transition, but it has been essential for our well being to do so.
It means we have hit the same transitioning milestones but rarely at the same time. Gwyn started hormone replacement therapy before me, for instance, but I had top surgery before him.
Angel that he is, Gwyn was solely happy that I was taking the next step on my journey. He never expressed any bitterness that he had to wait longer than me, even when asked, and nursed me with dedication and support throughout my recovery.
In contrast, when he started testosterone something I wouldnt do for another few months I suffered major bouts of jealousy.
Seeing him so happy was wonderful, but being so far away from it myself heightened my own gender dysphoria and sense of unease.
I wanted to be a source of clear and concise support, to be selfless and put my partner first but there have been times when I simply couldnt. Outwardly I was congratulatory and overtly positive, while on the inside I was struggling to cope with the fact that I just wasnt there yet.
I put up a front like it didnt matter but by closing up I have, at times, made our relationship increasingly difficult to sustain.
In the early days, we were on and off again like a light switch, breaking up then getting back together and even dating people in the interim.
It has taken us a long time to master how to talk about our feelings in the depth needed to make us work. Slowly, we have both learned how to share our feelings, regardless of whether those feelings are positive or negative, and communicate so much more. Its made us a stronger and more loving unit.
New differences had the potential to push us apart but we stuck out the trials and difficulties and as a result, weve grown together. In fact my feelings towards Gwyn have changed for the better: I have fallen more deeply in love with him.
I have always seen him as a man that is what he is, regardless of his medical transition progress but facial hair definitely suits him more than a clean-shaven face.
Seeing the progression of his beard and finding Gwyn more attractive on a superficial level has been a change I wasnt necessarily expecting (and I know the feeling is mutual!).
We dont dwell on the fact that neither of us is the same person as when we first met I dont believe anyone, trans or otherwise, is the same person today as they were yesterday, and they will be different tomorrow, too.
Instead, we embrace the people we have both become. We werent happy in our skin before we transitioned; now we can see the real people that were hiding away and have welcomed them forward.
We are free to love and be loved unconditionally, as our authentic selves, without barriers, or fear of rejection that is so common in the trans community. Thats what true love is to me.
Watching the person you adore most in the world go through something you so strongly desire to go through yourself has been an incredible challenge, but I am so grateful to Gwyn for the journey we have shared together so far.
As we plan to get married in 2021 I am looking forward to many more years ahead, with their ups and downs, jealousy and support, and sharing even more steps forward.
Last week in Love, Or Something Thing Like It: Ive lost myself in my relationship and Ive never been happier
Love, Or Something Like It is a new series for Metro.co.uk, covering everything from mating and dating to lust and loss, to find out what love is and how to find it in the present day.
If you have a love story to share, email rosy.edwards@metro.co.uk
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This is what true love looks like when you're both trans - Metro.co.uk
