I thought after I reached a certain age I wouldnt have to worry about dieting any more.
I mean, I wouldnt be caught dead in those cute short shorts and halter tops the girls wear these days anyway. Not at my age. So after decades of watching what, how much, and even when I ate, when I turned older, I pretty much devoured whatever I wanted. I figured, as the years crept up, some doctor would put me on a sugar-free, salt-free, taste-free health diet at any time, so enjoy those burgers and cream puffs now.
But my husband suddenly decided he wanted to lose the weight hed accumulated over the years. Hearing that from a gourmet cook was hard to stomach, since Im the recipient of his gastronomic flare and didnt relish to going back to fending for myself. I dont even remember how to cook Top Ramen.
Since my husband knew he couldnt do it on his own, he researched various diet plans and decided to go with the kind that sends you packaged meals and all you have to do is tear them open, add water (or air), and eat your three-quarters cup of reconstituted freeze-dried astronaut-like food. No-brainer. And no-gainer. Just weight loss.
I wanted to support him I know its not easy when one-half of a couple is on a diet and the other eats everything in sight but I decided to let him try it out before I joined him. After all, those all-you-cant-eat packaged diets arent cheap. So on Day One, while he swallowed his mini-shake, munched on his tiny crunchy bar and dissolved his mouthful of chicken soup, I figured Id just cut back on my regular food and do just as well.
Day One was actually exciting. Theres nothing like the feeling of starting a new diet, with all the early morning, not-hungry-yet resolve and energy.
I can do this, I told myself, as I ate half my normal breakfast serving of fruit, bagel, cream cheese, juice, latte and whatever was leftover from lasts night dinner. I allowed myself a mocha frappuccino for lunch no fat, no sugar, no whip, mostly ice with a side of hunger pangs, had some yogurt and nuts for dinner, then went to bed and dreamed about Las Vegas-style resort buffets all night.
Day Two, my husband was still opening packages and eating his quota. Meanwhile, I stepped on the scale and was horrified to find I hadnt lost any weight at all! What was the point? I wondered. All that suffering and nothing to show for it. I gave my diet one more chance and ate crumbs, while my husband enjoyed his packaged food and pretended it tasted like a five-star meal.
By Day Three my husband had lost six pounds and Id gained two. My method obviously wasnt working. My box of packaged food arrives in a couple of days. That gives me plenty of time to eat myself into a stupor before I get to rip open bags of Poultry with Grain, Fish in Sauce and Noodles with Legumes.
Oh well. Hopefully its better than hospital food.
Reach Penny Warner at http://www.pennywarner.com.
Originally posted here:
Valley Life: Embarking on my latest culinary adventure a diet - East Bay Times
